Wednesday 18 April 2012
De-Miss-tyfied:Myth 2:Nigerian women love money...
We emphatically state that we do NOT love money,NO! We just love what money can get us. However, we find it quite interesting that men label us..ok boys, we'll explain it to you like this. Andrew Todd..he's the global head of logistics for?...Avon cosmetics! He's even heading distribution for Liz Clairbourne (yeah those expensive but sinfully sexy jeans she asked you to buy on your way back from the U.K.) (Did you know that Dr.Miracle is REALLY a man? I didn't. i thought it was a clever advertising stunt). (Mary Kay Ash is loong dead..God bless her legacy..but her son is the CEO now). You thought Da'Viva was a woman's'idea, right? Wrong! One indian man owns it.. Omai Itafo, yeah even Frank Osodi!(Geniuses) They spend too many nights working on stuff like the perfect finish of hems and feel of that LBD,So that it will be perfect for her Gucci bag( yeah that those two men made, God bless them!) All a girl has to do is flash a smile and say ''sweetheart, i want..''She doesn't even have to finish the sentence,and YOU, jump to do her bidding! So stop getting pissed at her! Rather, arrange to have Bobby(of Surulere's Bobby's) and his contempories arrested for propergating the gospel of human hair and lace wigs ,send warnings to Chris Aire!(Gosh those wristwatches!)Tell him to stop making accessories that we can't resist that you SHALL have to buy(with money that can probably buy a million blocks,5 thousand bags of cement,countless pyramids of gravel and sand that's supposed to build your dream house) for us because we batt 'mascaraed'lashes at you. Tell all these men that you are hapless victims of their marketing strategies... P.S. OK. So maybe you pick the tab sometimes.. We want to let you know that: Women can take care of themselves! We just came to the conclusion that its easier to let you show us how much you love us*wink*wink*.
Tuesday 3 April 2012
MYTH 1: A lot of girls can’t cook(part1)
He hesitantly dug his fingers into the mound of Semovita I set before him. He put the morsel into the vegetable soup and then his hand travelled to his mouth, his lips closed around his fingers, suddenly, his eyes drifted shut. He was a picture of a man that just discovered bliss. A small smile formed on his lips as he chewed slowly. He ate but he didn’t speak, all through the meal, the mysterious smile remained on his face though i didn’t know what to make of it. Was the food tasty or was it bad? But I couldn’t ask him, I wouldn’t dare, it would be tantamount to asking him ‘do you think I can cook? But it had to be good, I could tell; he hadn’t grimaced or gagged and he hadn’t scrambled for the bathroom….yet. Oh yes he loves it! He had to! I spent way too long in that hot room called the kitchen, burnt all of two thousand naira worth of airtime consulting Ditoma on Mumsie’s mobile. I was determined to be my darling Osas’s perfect wife.
Hot light flashed across my eyes every time I swallowed so I had to close them, my ears were hot and ringing because of the amount of pepper, my eyes swam as tears threatened to betray me , my lips quivered from the effort I was making. I really wanted to cry.It was like realising the inviting warm lake that was tempting and you dove into was so shallow as you hit your buttocks hard at the bottom.I longed for my handkerchief but it was in my jacket which I flung on the couch in excitement upon seeing how she set the table, there was nothing I could do, so I sat there and prayed for deliverance.
He bit into the fish and once again his eyes drifted shut as that I-am-loving-this-meal expression came on his face once more. I knew I had succeeded. I didn’t even taste the food, seeing him relish the food so much filled me.
That night, I discovered how much I loved Didi, how much it scared me to hurt her feelings, but I honestly didn’t know how much longer I was going to be able to take it before my insides began to protest. I broke off a bit of the large helping of fish cooked in sauce before me, I glanced in her direction, her face slick with sweat, a beatic smile lightening it up, Gosh! she was so beautiful! I knew I had to do it, I had to eat everything on the plate so I chewed on the fish and closed my eyes and prayed some more. I never knew I could pray continuously for that long, I also knew I was muttering things. I carefully plied the plates on one another when I finished eating. I washed my hands and stood up, her eyes were on me,full of questions,those big brown eyes that always made a mess of my usually logical and cordinated thoughts,i couldn't look into them as i made this final decision,so i used the boys old trick ,I opened my arms and enveloped her in an embrace.The power of its double etendre worked so well as it always does, i could see,she smiles a satisfied smile. I continued to mutter to myself and chant some sort of mantra, I still could not make out what I was saying. She waved as I drove away. I glanced at the timer on my dashboard as I drove out of Balogun street. The timer showed that the time was 8:51 p.m. I tried to calculate how long it would take to get to Awolowo way on Ikeja but this was Lagos at night, anything was possible. I continued muttering to myself. Mercifully, the next song cued to play on my radio began as I sighted the florescent illuminated letters of Juli pharmacy. I heard the instrumentals and my heart welled up with hope.It was Whitney Houston's'Hold on,help is on the way'. By this time I could hear what it was I was chanting:
Osa, A is for Antacid, B is for Buscopan, C is for Carnation milk.As soon as i entered the store,I walked briskly as I put all the possible ingredients for my restoration in my cart. I scanned the drugs on display till I saw the final one….ahhh yes, F is for Flagyl.
I did it! Who said i couldn't cook?its just that i am just learning the correct quantity of oil,pepper,salt or seasoning to put together for each cooking; i am also yet to fully grasp when beef is sufficiently soft and ready. But here i am, even in my inadequacy i have a wonderful man born and bred(and fed) in nigeria ,who is ready to marry me! I'll learn everything else about cooking when we are married(he'll eat everything that comes from my kitchen even as i learn and get better at cooking).Disney was right,Love will always find a way, isn't it?
Hot light flashed across my eyes every time I swallowed so I had to close them, my ears were hot and ringing because of the amount of pepper, my eyes swam as tears threatened to betray me , my lips quivered from the effort I was making. I really wanted to cry.It was like realising the inviting warm lake that was tempting and you dove into was so shallow as you hit your buttocks hard at the bottom.I longed for my handkerchief but it was in my jacket which I flung on the couch in excitement upon seeing how she set the table, there was nothing I could do, so I sat there and prayed for deliverance.
He bit into the fish and once again his eyes drifted shut as that I-am-loving-this-meal expression came on his face once more. I knew I had succeeded. I didn’t even taste the food, seeing him relish the food so much filled me.
That night, I discovered how much I loved Didi, how much it scared me to hurt her feelings, but I honestly didn’t know how much longer I was going to be able to take it before my insides began to protest. I broke off a bit of the large helping of fish cooked in sauce before me, I glanced in her direction, her face slick with sweat, a beatic smile lightening it up, Gosh! she was so beautiful! I knew I had to do it, I had to eat everything on the plate so I chewed on the fish and closed my eyes and prayed some more. I never knew I could pray continuously for that long, I also knew I was muttering things. I carefully plied the plates on one another when I finished eating. I washed my hands and stood up, her eyes were on me,full of questions,those big brown eyes that always made a mess of my usually logical and cordinated thoughts,i couldn't look into them as i made this final decision,so i used the boys old trick ,I opened my arms and enveloped her in an embrace.The power of its double etendre worked so well as it always does, i could see,she smiles a satisfied smile. I continued to mutter to myself and chant some sort of mantra, I still could not make out what I was saying. She waved as I drove away. I glanced at the timer on my dashboard as I drove out of Balogun street. The timer showed that the time was 8:51 p.m. I tried to calculate how long it would take to get to Awolowo way on Ikeja but this was Lagos at night, anything was possible. I continued muttering to myself. Mercifully, the next song cued to play on my radio began as I sighted the florescent illuminated letters of Juli pharmacy. I heard the instrumentals and my heart welled up with hope.It was Whitney Houston's'Hold on,help is on the way'. By this time I could hear what it was I was chanting:
Osa, A is for Antacid, B is for Buscopan, C is for Carnation milk.As soon as i entered the store,I walked briskly as I put all the possible ingredients for my restoration in my cart. I scanned the drugs on display till I saw the final one….ahhh yes, F is for Flagyl.
I did it! Who said i couldn't cook?its just that i am just learning the correct quantity of oil,pepper,salt or seasoning to put together for each cooking; i am also yet to fully grasp when beef is sufficiently soft and ready. But here i am, even in my inadequacy i have a wonderful man born and bred(and fed) in nigeria ,who is ready to marry me! I'll learn everything else about cooking when we are married(he'll eat everything that comes from my kitchen even as i learn and get better at cooking).Disney was right,Love will always find a way, isn't it?
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